I could never understand those days
With Mum and Dad
The terrifying thought of being an unwanted son
A kid not needed
A kid who knew nothing about loving

A hug was a mystery to me
A kiss was something only others did

Toys were what my friends got at Xmas
Gifts were what others got on birthdays

Not me

I got the jobs around the yard
Weeding
Cleaning Dad’s aviaries
Killing vermin such as mice
And
Digging gardens all weekend

A trapper’s life meant absence
A trapper’s wife meant hardship
A trapper’s child meant loneliness and trouble

A mother lost in burden
With no time for a wayward boy
Better suited to government care

The scars remain
Only years of watching others grow old
Allow you to forgive and hopefully

Be forgiven
For being that awful boy