Colours of the Outback

Red sand for miles and miles
And saltbush somewhat blue
Tasteless Spinifex of gold and green
Waterless outback hue

An old commodore struck down
By outback mystery woes
And a driver pushing the limit
Where no water ever flows

Rusted registration plate
A car that no-one owns
No missing persons report
No search for nearby bones

Termite mounds a city beyond
Where a body just may lie
And dingoes dominate the soundwaves
With an eerie outback cry

A Current Affair

That’s the memory I have
Of our first kiss
How embarrassing that such beautiful lips
I would completely miss
Outside the dance hall
Whilst taking a piss
Then you asked my recall
Of our first dance
And I responded so romantically
About a boil on my bum I had to lance
Everyone who knew us
Gave no chance
To our ever being together
For more than one dance
But we stopped the world at our next meeting
When I streaked for you
Ever so fleeting
Across the MCG
You bailed me out of Russell Street
That night
And one day cricket got a real fright
That day
Cos a loony took em’ on
With his naked body
What a sight
We made the paper next day
Everyone asked about our sanity
And at the local we were the focal pair
We spoke of marriage to a crowd
We were so aware
Amazing and all we did was get naked
And the TV stations queued
For we were the current affair
Newsworthy and unique
You see
No one had ever streaked before
We were flavour of the week

A Man’s Love

I am not hungry
It’s a thing about love
And what it does to my pangs
But my desires are there
There is a desperate whim to tell you my love
Of your effect
Of my other needs
Of when my heart is to burst through ribs
And this love is unstoppable
About your magnificent style
Such a sexy shape
A glistening body with vitals
And the comfort of sharing speed with you
Of being inside you
Of turning you on at whim
You are my favourite car

Old Midge

My kelpie was a great dog,
And the kids named him Midge,
They even trained him perfectly,
To get my beer from the fridge.

Oi! Listen here’s the postie,
Go on, go and get the mail,
And I’ll give your bloody arse a kick,
If you slobber like a snail.

Righto Midge, fetch your lead,
Where goin’ for a walk,
We’ll go across the paddocks,
There’s some rabbits you can stalk.

Now here’s some real good tucker,
Meat with marrowbone jelly,
No! You’d rather have that rotten bone,
Because it’s all nice and smelly.

Oi! Midge, its shampoo time,
Absolutely, nothing for you to fear,
And at the mere mention of water,
Old Midge would disappear.

But I loved that big old doggie,
He was a friend and a mate,
He got bitten by a tiger snake,
His inquisitiveness was his fate.

Now I miss calling for old Midge,
It’s hard not having him here,
Nowadays I yell at the missus’,
“Come on” where’s me beer.

The Local Member

A politician crossed my path,
And went to shake my hand,
So I handed him my wallet,
I knew he’d understand.

He started to talk of parties,
And the great things they do,
So I reminded him of Little Johnny,
And how my money flew.

Not to be deterred,
He asked me for my vote,
I called him all sorts of names,
And grabbed im’ round the throat.

Listen here mate I said,
You’d tax me in the rain,
And if I did’nt pay you enough,
You’d do it over and over again.

Can’t ya’ see you’ve left me skint,
I’ve got nothing more to give,
Would ya’ mind if I keep my trousers on,
And where do ya’ reckon I’ll live.

I’ve already quit the fags ya’ know,
And, next will be the grog,
You’ve taxed away my joys in life,
So when do you collect my dog.

Well now you have me on my knees,
And you’re sure you’ve got the lot,
I’ll tell you about your government pal,
You’ve all lost the bloody plot.

She’s my Fancy

Oh! My god, what wonderful thighs,
And legs that make you drool,
Long black hair, that shines all day,
And your rear is just so cool.

And you love me without question,
No matter what I do,
You run after me every day
My bad habits don’t bother you.

With your skin so silky smooth,
You just blow away my mind,
Another female of your ilk,
A man could never find.

You walk all day naked,
And you do it just for me,
I spend hour upon glorious hour,
Just as happy as could be.

I even let all my friends,
Constantly stand and stare,
At one of the greatest bodies,
They’ll ever see anywhere.

And they all insist on thanking me,
Because I gave each of them a look,
Then they ask would I really mind,
If your name went in their book.

I would really love to ride her,
This little weedy bloke, piped up,
And I said, mate if you’re the lucky jockey,
You can ride her in the cup.